Writer's Block: Commercial Appeal

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Alka Seltzer: "Mamma Mia, 'ats-a some spicy meatball!"

There's absolutely no competition for this one in my mind, at least not from my childhood. The only thing that has come close today is Tabasco's "exploding mosquito" commercial.

The character was played by Jack Somack. From IMDB.com:

"Jack Somack acted in amateur productions for many years and didn't break into professional acting until his fifties. In films, he is probably best known for his portrayal of the father of Alexander Portnoy (Richard Benjamin) in "Portnoy's Complaint." But probably his greatest claim to (rather dubious) fame was appearing in the notorious "spicy meatball" Alka-Seltzer commercial in the 1960s. This was really a "commercial within a commercial." A film crew is trying to make a 10-second spot for a fictitious brand of meatballs. In it, Somack (who was Jewish) plays an actor playing a portly, mustachioed Italian sitting at a little table in front of a small oven. From his left, his ample, beaming "wife" places a plate of meatballs in front of him. Jack is supposed to eat one and say, "Mamma mia, that's a spicy meat-a-ball!" but something keeps ruining the take. After a string of blown takes (and meatballs), Jack is reduced to a helpless, dyspeptic stupor. Cut to a scene of two Alka-Seltzer being dropped into a glass of water with the appropriate voiceover. Cut back to the meatball commercial, where the next take seems to be going perfectly, until the door of the oven falls open with a clang. "Okay," says the director, "let's break for lunch." This commercial was pulled from the air after protests from Italian-American anti-defamation groups that the commercial promoted unflattering stereotypes of Italians."

As an Italian-Amerian, I can tell you that the anti-defamation groups had their collective head up their collective wazoo - this is one of the funniest ads ever, and I'm very proud of my heritage. Then, as now, social outrage over insignificant issues was driven by soulless attorneys hungry for billable hours. dennier posted a response to this question that invoked the Frito Bandito - there again, outraged Mexican anti-defamation groups, swimming against a public tide that found the character amusing - lobbied and agitated and sued until the character, voiced by Mel Blanc, was retired. A handful of disgruntled Chicanos and a hundred hungry attorneys caused a hqiz of a lot of trouble.

The sound is off by about a half a second on this clip, but it's the best one I can find out there.

Rest in peace, Jack.

There was one ad for Hai Karate after-shave which I have not been able to find, that would rate as "First Runner-Up". It showed people on an assembly line dropping the self defense instructions into the boxes with little kiai's: "Hp! Hp! Hp!". Wish I could locate that one again.

[Edit:] And while I'm thinking of funny ads that bump up against the stereotyping issue, I always thought this one was a crackup:

[Edit 2:] And now that my mind is working overtime, howcumzit the above commercial was found offensive, but this one - another absolute great - is not?

Poll: When they operated on Father, they opened Mother's male

It looks like Saturday delivery is going the way of the brontosaurus. What's your opinion?

[Poll #1444653]

Writer's Block: The Right to Privacy

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Since you asked, I'll tell you. I think all parts of celebrities' lives should be off-limits to the public, except the parts they choose to share. The proliferation of gossip rags - all fueled by the willingess of soulless paparazzi and reporters to invade the privacy of the glitterati, not to mention the fact that the voyeurism-crazed public buys demands it - publications such as the Enquirer and its imitators, as well as the glossy versions like "Us", "People", and on ad nauseam, are to me abomination and anathema.

People would do much better to focus on maximizing the potential of their own lives rather than live vicariously through the sensationalized peccadilloes of those who entertain us. And while we're on the subject, let's deep-six magazines like "Cosmo" and "Esquire", which cause nothing but anguish in the minds of those who compare themselves to the miraculous albeit photoshopped bodies and fictionalized sexual exploits paraded within. This stuff is legalized pornography, nothing more.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The Autobiography has Arrived

A few days ago I mentioned that Wally Boag's autobiography had been published.

My copy has arrived, and will occupy an honored place on my coffee table for the forseeable future.




Front Cover


Frontispiece with signatures of Wally and Gene

This edition is numbered 57 of 200.

It's hard for me to express how thrilled I am that this book has finally been published. I spoke to Gene on the phone on Saturday, and told him myself - and had the privilege of visiting with Wally and Ellen last month while I was shuttling between Sonoma and San Diego, about a week before the books were slated to arrive.

Wally and his good wife are among the world's finest people. This book will give those who have not met them personally, but who may be familiar with them through Wally's long, long career a chance to become familiar with their lives in an appropriate way (as opposed to the one discussed in my previous entry!)

I was fortunate enough to get to know Wally through my father, who was an entertainment colleague - and the Boags were gracious enough to continue to include me in their circle after Pop had moved on to a bigger stage.


Wally in 2008, holding a galley proof of the book.

I'm so grateful that this beautiful memento is now available for the world at large to enjoy. Buy a copy. Now.

Gronff!

Rare, old roast beef, fine Swiss cheese, fresh lettuce and tomatoes, German mustard, on soft wheat bread. *belch* Ahhh....

(And for my good friend deckardcanine

groan groan groan groan groan)