Writer's Block: Rotten tomatoes

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Wow, that's hard. There are so many howlers out there. The first really bad movie I recall seeing is "Only Two can Play" with Peter Sellers, which was a radical departure from his usual brilliance. I think my father's appearance in "Little Cigars" was probably the movie that made him wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweats screaming "What the hqiz was I thinking?

I think the worst movie I've seen in recent times is "The Lake House" starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Mr. Cranky's epithet of "cosmic piece of dung" is eminently applicable to this befuddled, confusing abortion, which started out bad and ended worse.

Fortunately, there's no absence of good films out there to eliminate the taste of retching up bile.

Global Terror Threat Levels

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is canceled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

(There were a bunch of others, but they were mean-spirited rather than funny, so I clipped'em.)