These are so painfully good. Whether they are all true or not is irrelevant... because each one of us knows at least one person this stupid.
They Walk Among Us!
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!
They Walk Among Us!
I stopped at McDonalds and ordered some fries. The girl behind the counter asked, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
They Walk Among Us!
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.... 'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone else looked up at the sky and said...'where?'
They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time.
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
They Walk Among Us!
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving’.
They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.
They Walk Among Us!
I was going out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.
My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!'
I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...
They Walk Among Us!
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office to report the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me, 'Don't worry, because I'm a trained professional and you are in good hands.'
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like to have it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time then said, 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'
They Walk Among Us!
TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
'Well, you might ask, “Captain Cook made three trips around the world. He died on one of them. Which one?”'
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess that I don't know much about history.'
A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS!!!
They Walk Among Us!
Recently, when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
They Walk Among Us!
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
They Walk Among Us!
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
They Walk Among Us!
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
They Walk Among Us!
Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'
'Just use paper from the photocopier,' the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier, and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
They Walk Among Us!
A mother called 911 very worried about her 5 year old. She asked the dispatcher if she needed to take her kid to the emergency room because the kid had eaten ants.
The dispatcher told her, 'Give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine.'
The mother said, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency room!'
They Walk Among Us!
Sadly, not only do they walk among us they vote, their vote equals ours, and they also reproduce!
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